"Everyone’s Invited" and the end of sexual abuse

The website of the Everyone’s Invited movement welcomes personal testimonies from those who have been a victim of abusive sexual behaviour. The hope is that such testimonies will shock our society into ‘eradicating rape culture’. Since June 2020 over 14,000 testimonies have been submitted anonymously. They make harrowing reading. Most describe unrestrained sexual licence against young women by young men at their school or university - and the intense pain and damage that has resulted. The website describes a culture which has ‘normalised and trivialised such actions’ and how we have been ‘socialised to believe that this behaviour was acceptable’.

In response to the thousands of allegations from students, the UK Government’s Department for Education commissioned the NSPCC (but see below) to set up a helpline and ordered an immediate review into sexual abuse in schools.

How do we find ourselves in such a tragic state? 

When we relate to someone in a sexual way we stand on holy ground. Our sexuality is at the very core or essence of our being, as one made in God’s image. God has designed sex for marriage and only for marriage. To protect us and to protect His design of marriage, God has given us a command to keep sex for marriage (Exodus 20:14). 

We live in a society that has been actively promoting sex outside marriage for decades.  Whenever someone experiences sex outside of marriage, the God-honouring and wise coupling of commitment and intimacy is disengaged. When we misuse sex, we threaten the very heart of our being and cause pain, guilt, regret and grief. The full horror is now being worked out in our society where (mainly but by no means exclusively in men) sexual desire is unrestrained.

Though many factors have contributed, here are three immediate influences which have brought on the present crisis:

First, there has been a progressive normalisation of underage sex. Over the years, children in school have been encouraged to understand sexual intimacy as a recreational activity for their pleasure, rather than being designed by God for the committed relationship of marriage. This teaching is referred to as ‘comprehensive sexuality education’. In addition, the legal age of consent is no longer upheld, which has made young people vulnerable to the risk of sexual exploitation. This became evident through several serious case reviews in UK towns between 2013 and 2016  and now through the testimonies of peer on peer abuse on the Everyone’s Invited website.

Secondly, pornography use is rampant and increasing exponentially. It not only extracts sexual arousal from marriage, but also from a relationship. It stirs up lust and objectifies women. It dehumanises and humiliates them. With ease such desires and attitudes are applied to the opportunities of everyday life. A woman is seen simply as an object of sexual fulfillment, her sexuality not being hers or her (future) husband’s but instead public property. This has led to an epidemic of fear and anxiety amongst women and a nosedive in self-esteem.

(We note with horror that the NSPCC has been asked by the Government to run a helpline when its own Childline promotes a YouTube video ‘Wtf is porn?’ describing pornography as ‘fun to watch’ and ‘sexy to enjoy’.)

A third influence has been the feminist and transgender movements which have sought to flatten the distinctives between men and women. This flat playing field produces a society that no longer encourages or expects men to be ‘gentlemen’, that is, to treat women in a special and respectful way in recognition of their increased vulnerability (see 1 Peter 3:7). Women, for their part, have been discouraged from expecting high standards of respectfulness and sexual purity from men. The age of chivalry has been killed off. No longer afforded protection, women are vulnerable to the predatory expression of men’s sexual desires.

How do we go forward from this tragic situation of sexual predation and sexual fear? Certainly, the Everyone’s Invited website is right to maintain that those damaged by abuse need to ‘forgive and go forward’. As Christians, we know that the only sure basis for such forgiveness begins with an individual first seeking their own forgiveness and comfort from God through Christ’s death on the cross of Calvary, and then forgiving those who have sinned against them (Matthew 6:12). 

As for our society, the only hope is a full ‘about turn’ both in conviction and policy. Our society needs to return to honouring marriage, and doing all in its power to protect marriage by promoting sexual purity. This must start amongst the young, with whom this drama is unfolding, in the educational establishments of this country. The nature and benefits of marriage is still part of the statutory guidance for secondary school Relationships and Sex Education, but many young people testify that it receives only a passing mention. Marriage is also included in the statutory curriculum for primary school Relationships Education, but, from our review of resources, is often omitted.

Something has to change and this needs to be a subject of our most earnest prayer.