Christian teaching on marriage...absolutely vital in the face of sexualisation of children
Harmful teaching on sex aimed at children shows clear Christian teaching on marriage needed more than ever
By Dr Julie Maxwell (Lovewise Deputy Director)
One of the biggest concerns today for parents, grandparents and anyone who works with children is the sexualisation of children. It seems that almost every day in the media there are stories of them being exposed to highly sexualised material. There are the obvious dangers of on-line pornography and the influence of social media but increasingly there are concerns about relationships and sex education (RSE) and public events such as Pride marches and Drag Queen story times in libraries as well as sexual health websites aimed at teenagers.
Harmful teaching in schools
I first became concerned about the content of RSE in schools over 10 years ago when as a school governor in my children’s primary school I was made aware of the material being used. As a parent and a paediatrician, I was shocked at the explicit nature of the material (cartoon people engaging in intercourse) as well as the lack of teaching about marriage. Sex seemed to be portrayed as something fun you do with someone when you love them (whatever that means to a 10 year old).
Over the last 10 years the situation has become worse. Not only is teaching material more active in promoting immoral sexual desires and activities, but Christian teaching on marriage, sex and identity is increasingly seen as harmful to children and proposals for a broad ban on so called ‘conversion therapy’ even threaten to make such Christian teaching illegal.
Over this period, however, parents have become increasingly aware of some of the things their children are being exposed to – many parents are unhappy but do not always feel able or know how best to raise their concerns. It has also become increasingly difficult to opt out of inappropriate RSE due to many aspects becoming compulsory and LGBT themes being incorporated into all aspects of the curriculum. This has led to a growing number of parents and organisations (for example, The Christian Institute and Safe Schools Alliance) exposing the vast numbers of groups and individuals delivering highly inappropriate content to children and young people.
Our children are not being taught the truth on issues around sex, relationships and marriage. Children need to be guided and protected by the adults around them in so many areas - children are taught about healthy eating, getting enough sleep and about the harms of drugs and alcohol so why is it deemed unacceptable to teach them about the harms of sexual experimentation? So often we are told that we must teach (or not teach) children certain things in order to be inclusive, non-judgemental and kind but in the process we are actually causing them harm.
Perhaps you think I am exaggerating! There have been two recent reports (RSE in schools and Asleep at the Wheel) evidencing the extreme nature of resources being used in schools and the disregard for safeguarding.
Let’s have a look at some examples of what children are being taught and consider how they may be harming children:
- All relationships are equally valid
We are told that we must not be judgemental and risk making children feel excluded if they don’t live in a traditional family - we must therefore treat all types of families as equally valid. But is it really harmful to teach that the ideal situation is for children to be living with both their biological parents as is so often claimed?
There is a lot of research evidence pointing to the fact that children do better in a variety of outcome measures when they are brought up by both their biological parents. So surely it is important and protective to teach them that this is the ideal.
In addition many children who have experienced the pain of losing a parent or separation from one or both parents could be harmed by being unable to acknowledge this and to be told that they must not see their situation as anything other than good! Of course we must also acknowledge that most parents/guardians in whatever type of family are doing their best to parent but none of us are perfect.
Teaching very young children about same sex families can also be very confusing for them. In order to do it in an “age appropriate” way the descriptions necessarily contain no references to sexual intimacy (e.g ‘My Daddies’). This has led children to become confused about friendship thinking that being friends with someone means that they are “in love” with them and are therefore gay. They can also become misled into thinking that two men or two women can naturally conceive a baby.
- Gender ideology
The current narrative is often that it is harmful to teach sex as binary and to assume a child’s gender. There are books designed for very young children that tell them adults only guessed their sex when they were born and that “only you know who you are”. This is confusing for children and places huge pressure on them to have to discover their “true self”. This ideology tells children that their feelings are more important than biological reality. It tells them that some people will only realise their authentic selves if they undergo medical and surgical treatment (that will render them lifelong medical patients who are infertile and often with no sexual function at all).
Surely the most beneficial and protective thing to do is to help children understand the reality of their bodies, to understand that this is how God made them and that their bodies are good. For those children who are struggling with gender dysphoria surely the least harmful thing is to help them to become comfortable in the bodies they have.
- Queer theory
I think many people misunderstand what queer theory is all about. It’s about much more than not being homophobic!
Queer theory is a way of thinking that dismantles traditional assumptions about gender and sexual identities. The field emerged from sexuality studies and women's studies. Queer theorists analyse gender and sexuality as socially and culturally constructed concepts.
It is not about teaching children tolerance or even mere acceptance but about the total destruction of traditional values. The self-confessed goal of many of those teaching this to our children is to undermine, and even destroy, the traditional married heterosexual family. Elly Barnes of Educate and Celebrate said in 2017 “the bottom line is just to completely smash heteronormativity, that’s what we want to do so our kids can grow up and be who they are” (April 2017). No Outsiders is another widely used resource which is motivated by such radical philosophy and which has also caused huge concern among parents
Given that the vast majority of the population remain heterosexual and, as we have seen, children do best when growing up with their biological parents, surely teaching children about queer theory is harmful whereas teaching them traditional values is good!
- Sex-positivity
Being “sex-positive” sounds good and, as Christians, we should definitely be positive about sex as a wonderful gift from God given to strengthen the bond between a husband and wife and for the creation of children. However what society means as “sex-positive” is: "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation." The sex-positive movement makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference.
As a result children are taught about all kinds of extreme and potentially harmful sexual behaviours and encouraged to explore all aspects of sexuality with little or no judgement being made about any physical or psychological harms that may result. BISH is a website for 14+ that gives information on all kinds of extreme sexual behaviours. The media recently highlighted a dice game used in schools - pupils are encouraged to throw the dice (each face has the name of a different body part) and then discuss what could be done between the two body parts shown!
God’s good design
With all this in mind surely it is clear that teaching children an orthodox Christian perspective on marriage, sex and identity is not harmful but is actually protective and necessary. The Christian teaching about being male and female, that marriage is a lifelong union between one man and one woman and that sexual intimacy belongs only within marriage is good news for society and for children. We, as Christians, need to be at the forefront of protecting our children from the harmful narratives that surround them and counteracting this with a far better story. Whatever the outcome of the proposed “conversion therapy” bill we need to be prepared to continue to teach children about the goodness of God’s ways.
