Module 5

Practical steps to help make a relationship that will last.

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Version: 1.0.7 | Updated: 23/09/2021

Singleness is a good thing

If you are considering going out...

friendship is a good place to start

What qualities should you look for?

Important
qualities
to look for...

Reliable

Loyal

Enjoyable to be with

Honest

Kind

What do your family and friends think?

Could you imagine marrying them?

Boys and girls are different

Boys

Affected by what they see

Girls

Affected by the idea of love and security

Everyone has them
Not wrong in themselves
Control them before they control you

Sexual desires

Social media

Beware of unhelpful ideas
Beware of dangerous people
Do not request, send or receive sexual images or videos

SLIDE: Social media

It is important for young people to be careful about what information they share about themselves and what they follow and read on social media.

Beware of unhelpful ideas
You need to think carefully about what you chose to read and watch on the internet, how you chose to use social media, and evaluate whether anything might be damaging to you.
Beware of dangerous people
You may be asked by someone to share images of yourself online or even to meet up with them. However, on the internet it is difficult to know who you are talking to. You may think that they are kind and interested in you, but you do not actually know who they are and whether or not they are trustworthy. They may be dangerous. Never share personal information or meet up with someone you have met online.
Do not request, send or receive sexual images or videos
Sending a sexual image to someone else is wrong. It puts you in a vulnerable position – their phone might get lost or stolen, they might share the image with friends or they might post the image on the internet. You are no longer in control of your picture. Even if the person you are sending an image to is your girlfriend or boyfriend, can you be sure that they would continue to respect you if your relationship breaks up? Posting an image of a former girlfriend or boyfriend is sometimes known as revenge porn. Once an image or video goes online, it can be very hard to get it taken down.

If someone else possesses sexually provocative images of you, they could use them to bully and manipulate you. Keep safe and protect your privacy. Do not put yourself in a position where someone could make you feel under pressure or threaten you.

(It is illegal to take, possess or share an ‘indecent’ image or video of someone under 18, even if you are the one in the image or if your boyfriend/girlfriend sent it to you.)

Affects your attitude towards the opposite sex, future relationships and mental health
Addictive

Avoid pornography

SLIDE: Avoid pornography

Affects your attitude towards the opposite sex, future relationships and mental health
Pornography is wrong and has serious consequences. It can have a negative effect on your attitudes to the opposite sex, future relationships including marriage and on your mental health.
Addictive
Watching pornography is particularly dangerous because it can become addictive. Many people find themselves unable to stop watching it and end up watching more and more extreme material.

For more information about the dangers of pornography, see our resource ‘Pornography – dangers & decisions’.

It is illegal to...

Engage in sexual activity with someone under 16
Possess sexual images of someone under 18
Watch pornography with someone under 18

SLIDE: It is illegal to...

This slide lists some of the laws designed to protect young people from being sexually exploited.

Engage in sexual activity with someone under 16
As we have already mentioned, the age of consent for sexual activity in the UK is 16.
Possess sexual images of someone under 18
It is illegal to take, possess or share an ‘indecent’ image or video of someone under 18, even if you are the one in the image or if your boyfriend/girlfriend sent it to you.
Watch pornography with someone under 18
It is illegal to watch pornography with someone under 18, even if you are both under 18.

Video:

Practical advice

Video duration: 4:10

Transcript for reference:

Young lady 1: "How lovely would it be to find a guy who will say ‘let's start going out but I'm not going to have sex with you because I care about you, and because I want to wait for marriage, and I want our relationship to develop and grow in communication and not just physically'. You would know that that guy was worth being with - for that reason."

Young man 1: "I think it's good to set boundaries when you start going out with someone. Talk about what makes them struggle physically so that you can avoid going further than you'd like."

Husband (couple 1): "I think the boundaries that I would recommend are things like; not staying round at each other's house too late. Or like, not being in a room with the door closed on your own together for too long."

Wife (couple 1): "Not lying down together - that's really tempting."

Young man 2: "As soon as you're alone late at night, everything becomes more sentimental, you get really emotional, you get tired - and you just want to snuggle up and it's just a slippery slope from there."

Young lady 1: "Temptation is always there and no matter how long you're going out with someone it always remains just as difficult. But there are such helpful things like spending a lot of time with other people. So not excluding yourselves from a group of people. Keeping doors open, and also telling your friends about the ground rules you've set so that you can keep yourselves accountable to them."

Young lady 2: "In terms of practical things I would sort of advise avoiding things that sexually arouse the other person."

Young lady 1: "I think it's important to remember that sex is not all there is to keep for marriage, but there's so much more - like, and excessive amount of kissing which is unhelpful and it tempts you to do other stuff and it tempts you to go further."

Young man 2: "Alcohol is another big cause as well. Alcohol just makes you more emotional about everything and makes you want to get involved with a girl. So, don't get drunk and try it on with a girl or try and get with a girl because it's going to end in chaos."

Wife (couple 1): "If you're trying to avoid temptation before marriage I would be careful what you fill your head with - what magazines you read and films (you watch). Because sometimes they can be so full of sex that it gets you thinking about it."

Young lady 2: "Try not to be influenced by what other people say they are doing. It's not just about avoiding becoming pregnant or about avoiding sexually transmitted diseases. It's more than that, although those things are important. It's because, I believe, sex is something that is very intimate and is best reserved for marriage. You leave yourself so vulnerable and so open to getting hurt if it's in the wrong context. If that relationship ends you find yourself getting very hurt."

Wife (couple 1): "If someone has gone further than maybe they would have wished to, and regret it - it's important to realise that there's forgiveness. There's the opportunity to have a new start. I would encourage you to just stop and redefine your boundaries, and start again having learnt from it, and avoid those pitfalls.

You might find that you're going against the tide, often. And other people will say that they've slept with their boyfriends or girlfriends and you might feel left out. But if you have decided to wait then it's worth sticking to your guns. And we did and we don't regret it at all."

Practical advice for healthy relationships

Be careful what you watch, read and think about
Don't be influenced by others
Beware of alcohol and drugs

SLIDE: Practical advice for healthy relationships

Ask the class what practical advice they have just heard that is relevant even before you are in a relationship. (Subsequent clicks reveal each point):

Be careful what you watch, read and think about
Be aware that what you read on social media, the computer games you play, and what you watch (TV and films) can shape the way you think and act.
Don't be influenced by others
It is important to stick to what you know is right and not feel you have to do what others are doing, or say they are doing.
Beware of alcohol and drugs
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and can cause people to act in ways that they end up regretting.
Avoid parties or situations where alcohol/drugs are involved. Sadly, doctors see young people who have been sexually assaulted after having their drink spiked.

Practical advice for those in a relationship

Set boundaries
Avoid difficult situations
Test for commitment

SLIDE: Practical advice for those in a relationship

Ask the class what practical advice they have just heard that is important when they are in a relationship. (Subsequent clicks reveal each point):

Set boundaries
It is important to set physical boundaries in a relationship and to discuss them with your boyfriend/girlfriend to be sure you both agree with them.
Avoid difficult situations
It is helpful to think about and avoid situations where you know it would be tempting to go further than you want to physically, for example, being alone late at night or lying down together.
Test for commitment
Many people start going out for short-term reasons – they want to be seen to have a girl/boyfriend, or want to have a physical relationship but without any commitment. Encourage the young people to assess whether their girlfriend or boyfriend is serious. Taking a relationship seriously is not demonstrated by how physical they want to be. In fact the opposite is often true, because the most committed are willing to wait for marriage. At some stage, to avoid heartache and disappointment, it is important to have a definite discussion about how each views the relationship and whether each might consider the possibility of long-term commitment in marriage.

You are valuable

Avoid vulnerable situations

Be ready to say "no"
and walk away

You may feel like you are swimming against the tide... But it is worth it!

Module 5

Practical steps to help make a relationship that will last.

Singleness is a good thing

If you are considering going out...

friendship is a good place to start

Important qualities to look for...

Reliable

Loyal

Enjoyable to be with

Honest

Kind

What do your family and friends think?

Could you imagine marrying them?

Boys and girls are different

Boys

Affected by what they see

Girls

Affected by the idea of love and security

Sexual desires

Social media

Avoid pornography

It is illegal to...

Practical advice

Practical advice for healthy relationships

Practical advice for those in a relationship

You are valuable

Avoid vulnerable situations

Be ready to say "no" and walk away

You may feel like you are swimming against the tide... But it is worth it!

Module 5